Monday, 29 August 2016

Hyperemesis Gravidarum - 24 Weeks On

I haven't blogged too much about my Hyperemesis, mainly because it's still very real for me. I've had a first trimester essentials post sitting in my draft folders for months now and I can't bring myself to write it. Mainly because my main first trimester essentials were my meds. Without them I wouldn't of made it through. With my previous pregnancies my HG improved between 16-18 weeks. I was off meds and felt great by around 20 weeks. That meant that I still had half of my pregnancy to fully enjoy.

This time is very different.

I'm currently 27 weeks and still suffering. I count myself very lucky to not be throwing up still and to be out of hospital, thankfully my meds are helping with that and I know some women aren't that lucky. But that doesn't make it any easier.

I've spent the last 24+ weeks feeling and/or actually being sick. I actually started feeling a few days after conception! I don't remember the last day when I didn't feel sick, I don't remember the last day I felt normal, I don't remember the last day I didn't hate taking my meds because I know that nothing is 100% safe in pregnancy.

I've felt really grumpy and fed up lately and I think it's down to my HG. I'm fed up of it. I'm sick of feeling sick. Of course baby girl is doing really well and that's the most important thing but I can't wait to feel normal again. I do love pregnancy but I'm not one of these women that sail through without any bad symptoms.

I've realised now that I might be stuck on meds until I give birth. That thought makes me want to cry. I hate it but I have no choice. Ultimately I would do anything to keep baby girl inside and growing well but its hard.

Lately a few people have questioned how I'm feeling. When I say that I'm having a bad day with my HG I always get the same response, "your still sick, hasn't that gone by now". And that honestly makes me want to cry as well. People still don't understand that HG isn't like regular morning sickness. I can't eat a bit of ginger and feel better and it certainly hasn't gone yet and yes, I'm 27 almost 28 weeks pregnant. People find it very hard to understand that without my meds I would still be really sick. I also get a lot of people saying that I don't look sick, I'm never quite sure how to take that. Should I look a certain way? I do try to hide my HG as best as I can, but it's all too easy to plaster a smile onto my face for a picture.

I guess because pregnancy is so wildly different for everyone people just can't get there head around something until they've experienced it themselves or know someone very close to them who has experienced it.

I am so thankful that my meds are helping a little. I'm thankful I'm not in hospital anymore and this baby girl is more than worth all the nausea and sickness in the world.

But I would like a break. I'd like to properly enjoy this pregnancy as there is a very good chance it will be my last. I'm not sure I could deal with having HG again. Its physically and emotionally draining.

Its so hard.

Nicola Xx


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